As many of you may know, I see Grazina weekly for acupuncture, and have been for 2 years. Most people can taper off of weekly appointments to maintenance of bi-monthly or once a month. But, I'm not normal :-) I ask a lot of my body, mind, and spirit. And because of this, I need a little more help finding and maintaining balance. Acupuncture is one of my go-to modalities.
But, that's not what this blog is about. This blog is about the eye-opening conversations I get to have with Grazina. She has been diving deep into Daoism, and it's fascinating.
Yesterday, we had a conversation about the Ego. I told her I've been feeling a lot better, a lot more balanced, not as crazed (if you were in my head, you would be scared!). I also mentioned a conversation I had with my twin brother a few days ago. He owns a vineyard and almond ranch and farming is NOT easy. He was talking about how he grinds his teeth and had tried everything to stop (including getting Botox in his face to loosen/immobilize the jaw muscles!). He said, "I know it's because of stress." I agreed, but said, Suman (our sister) isn't working and from the outside, seems to have a wonderful, tranquil life and she still grinds her teeth. Why?
Grazina's answer to this was, ego. "The Tao Te Ching teaches the wise person to take care of self, to let it grow and flourish, but to stand aside from ego, the false self that we concoct for others to love. The good news here is that by letting go of false desires, we find ultimate fulfillment."* She said that my feeling of tranquility was because I had moved away from ego and had begun to trust in the Universe. I no longer am the sole custodian of blue door. We have a remarkable team in place and I realize what has been created has evolved into its own entity; it has its own momentum. This realization and surrender has been a big aha moment for me. And a big part of my healing journey.
Don't get me wrong, I still grind my teeth. I haven't reached enlightenment quite yet; this self-realization thing is hard! Baby steps.